How to make high-quality lifelong friends.

How to make high-quality lifelong friends.

HOW TO MAKE HIGH QUALITY FRIENDS AT A GLANCE

*This post contains affiliate links*

This section is for those of you who are too lazy and unmotivated to read a 7-minute article.

Kudos, you don’t waste time but this is why you suck at building relationships.

here’s your TL;DR list

  • Be attractive
  • Be interested in other peoples lives
  • Have a hobby that you could talk about passionately until the end of time.
  • Help others when you can and expect nothing but their loyalty in return
  • Be a good person

Now that initial intro and first bullet point will turn off a LOT of people.

Good.

This is because the people that immediately leave and won’t read the post are losers.

They’re the kind of people that won’t actually put in a real effort at something even the SLIGHTEST bit inconvenient.

If you’ve gotten this far, congratulations I’ll elaborate more on these points and share my story with you.

Enjoy, I hope you genuinely get some value out of this.

Starting from square one.

Photo by Tomé Louro from Pexels

I entered college with literally NOBODY to talk to.

Literally, not a single person or friend in the area asides from my brother.

The FOUR BEDROOM apartment I had was EMPTY for literally two entire months until my roommate from Dubai arrived.

This wasn’t a problem for me at the time, a big place for myself and lots of Runescape!

Plus the apartment gym was literally three floors downstairs, so if I ever got tired of being cooped up, I could go lift!

A shut-in’s DREAM come true!

This was until I was constantly calling my brother or getting on skype to fill my time with old friends from high school.

About halfway through the year though, more people moved into my apartment.

Over time I started to notice that there were SO many parties going on, and people doing fun things on Instagram that I got jealous for once.

This jealousy was pretty short-lived though. I started seeing my girlfriend (now ex-gf) more often and would just hang out with my two roommates.

I would talk to classmates on occasion and see them around, but I still didn’t socialize much.

Eventually, I got fed up with my relationship dragging me down and having nobody to talk to.

I realized I needed to change a LOT about myself and become more outgoing.

So, that is EXACTLY what I started doing.

Figuring out how to make friends.

Making friends and partying
Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

Around mid-2018 I got INCREDIBLY lucky in my journey to becoming more social and outgoing.

I remember thinking that I dressed like a dork and after numerous
“hey, XYZ wants to know… are you gay?”

I realized that I could probably do with some changes in my wardrobe and overall appearance.

I googled “how to dress more masculine

it was here that I stumbled across three web pages that literally changed my life:

  1. Goodlookingloser.com
  2. MasculineDevelopment.com
  3. TheRedPill subreddit

It’s not lost on me that today these places are HEAVILY under scrutiny today, and for what it’s worth, TRP is NOWHERE near the quality that it was from 2018-2020.

Alongside this, GLL doesn’t post anymore, and Jon’s website is more focused on making crypto money and getting women, but still a GREAT marketplace of information considering his breadth of evergreen posts.

Back to the main point of this article.

These places taught me a few things:

If you have friends already, making friends becomes 10x easier.

Don’t have any friends and can’t make friends?

Time to put in the work.

Luckily this was easy for me and can be for you.

All you need is two things.

Two things you need to MAKE FRIENDS

Now, these two get your foot in the door and can make you friends.

  1. Have an AUTHENTIC passion that you can share with others and give them value as a result.
  2. being (moderately) attractive or having an attractive “Aura”

For me, the first portion, my passions, came EFFORTLESSLY and actually tied into part two.

Here are my passions at a glance

  • Animal Rights/Veganism
  • Lifting
  • Self Improvement
  • Reading
  • Supplements

Being vegan for YEARS made it very easy for me to be UNSHAKABLE and hold my frame as unquestionably and unapologetically vegan. It also taught me nuances like rolling with lame vegan jokes vs knowing when to stand my ground on topics I hold dearly (don’t be a push-over, ESPECIALLY when it comes to things that MATTER to you.)

I’ve been lifting since I was allowed to hit the gym at age 13 (Rocky IV & The Misfits made me want to be RIPPED)

I’d always want to “level up” or just be better than people.

So self-improvement being actualized was EASY, especially after reading the entire sidebar on TRP.

Alongside this, I read LOADS of Camus, Sartre, and supplement studies from 8th grade until even this day.

(I’m still very passionate about supplements for athletes, in fact, I even own a supplement company now.)

So my domain of competency was ALWAYS apparent to people I would talk to.

“Deep” conversations with people about human agency, perceived inequalities, or like… simple shit
“is this pre-workout/diet any good?”

(I was also in the nutrition program at my college, initially to be an RD, later swapping to business and getting my minor in nutrition instead.)

The second part was pretty difficult though.

I never thought of myself as “handsome” like a model.

Luckily though, you don’t need to be so drop-dead gorgeous that you fuck every hot girl in the gym for people to notice you. (though I definitely DID try and that was a BLAST.)

Rather just do these things to be more generally attractive to both guys and girls.

Do theseResult?
LiftBeing more muscular/toned/fit makes you hot.
Dress better/ find YOUR styleHaving YOUR flair/style makes you unique and also hotter than boring joe.
Have a useful passion you can share with your friends that are worthwhile.Can you make dudes ripped? Teach people math? Cut hair? fix a car? Network with clubs and get people in? You’re valuable to people. That attracts attention.

Why both guys and girls?

Because even if you’re a straight guy, knowing that everyone doesn’t think you’re ugly is good for your general confidence.

Plus if you’re the ugly duckling in the group, you don’t want to be a part of the pity party.

A flock of hot dudes entering a bar to watch the game is WAY more socially inviting to EVERYONE than a group of hairy fat bikers getting beers.

The importance of having attractive qualities in friendship.

Again, this isn’t SOLELY just being PHYSICALLY attractive, I can’t stress this enough.

Being UBER sexy will open doors, but I can PROMISE you this only goes SO far.

I’m using this section to talk about things that make you more ATTRACTIVE in the sense that people want to get to know you.

Take a look at my SARMS post.

Do you know how many guys noticed me add an extra PLATE for REPS on my deadlift faster than them?

How many people saw me BLOW UP and get RIPPED, super fucking fast?

When people notice that, they want to know how it’s done.

They’re ATTRACTED to that level of progression and perceived competence.

This dude‘s gained like 20lbs of muscle in a single semester

When someone has been trying for a YEAR to get big, they’re curious about what I know or do that they don’t.

If I’d talk to someone to ask if I could work in, they’d say sure and also mention my FAST progress.

I’d say
“Thanks, man! I’m TRYING haha, you’re doin’ solid yourself too!!. I see you in here workin’! how long you been at it?”

Now, I am GENUINELY interested in fitness and people’s stories so this never is forced/comes across that way.

Boom, new friendship. Why? because they could use me to reach their goals.

I provide them with the POTENTIAL for a beneficial interaction or series of benefits.

Hardly anyone would come up and ask me questions directly, so don’t expect people to do the work for you.

General commonalities and their importance for friendship.

This isn’t just for lifting.

Are you an amazing painter/artist/tattooer?

Get an Instagram, share your art, find hashtags and look for local shows/businesses that you can connect with people.

If you see someone is drawing and you actually like it:

“Hey, not to be weird, but that’s DOPE!! Do you draw often?”

Don’t mention that you draw or talk about yourself until THEY ASK.

People LOVE to talk about themselves, don’t wait for your turn to talk.

Keep asking about them until they ask about you.

When they ask, open up slightly, outline some differences you noticed that you liked and something you both do.

Your shading and colours are insane! Reminds me of Kelly Doty. I’m pretty basic, I like traditional myself haha

If you’re doing ALL of the work in the conversation, leave.

Commonalities are important to people, it’s what welcomes you into a “clique.”

Notice how in high school movies there are “jocks/goths/nerds?

Those people have shared interests so they naturally gravitate towards each other.

Same thing with work, college, online groups, anything socially motivated.

You need more than just TWO things to make HIGH-quality friends.

In the TL;DR I mentioned the following, but previously I only mentioned TWO

  • Be attractive
  • Be interested in other peoples lives
  • Have a hobby that you could talk about passionately until the end of time.
  • Help others when you can and expect nothing but their loyalty in return
  • Be a good person

So what’s the deal?

Those two bolded ones will get friends.

Will you get invited to their weddings, parties, or events just because they know you as the guy from karaoke night?

No.

Also, go back through the last section,

I snuck in the second bullet there because it’s something that is INNATE to me.

but it is VITAL for making HIGH-quality friendships.

Be interested in other peoples lives

When I ask someone about their goals, I am genuinely curious about what drives them.

If I ask the girl on the treadmill next to me
How can you be hitting your steps an hour each day after I saw you hit squats 20 minutes ago?
And she gets into a monologue about how badly she wants to set an example for her mom to be healthier by losing 50lbs because there was a health scare.

You can abso-fucking-lutely bet I’m going to walk an extra 10 minutes on the treadmill while she tells me about this and I cheer her on.

If there’s any actionable advice or guidance I can give I offer SUGGESTIONS and ask if she’s tried any of them.

When you don’t know someone, you have NO authority or real credibility, if you ask questions like
“that’s INCREDIBLE! have you ever tried Xyz, or has she considered xxx?”

Then guess what? if they’ve thought about doing the SAME thing then BOOM.

you guys are on the same wavelength and that builds commonality.

This works on ALL sorts of things that you have experience in:

Man, I’m at a LOSS for what to do with my computer, it’s frozen!!
Have you tried opening task manager/ turning it off and on again?”

I can’t get my food to stop sticking to the pan despite using a literal NONSTICK pan!”
“Have you tried putting a dab of olive oil in and wiping it around first?

Not only does it show that you have some level of understanding/commonality

It also transitions to the next point.

  • Help others when you can and expect nothing but their loyalty in return
  • Now, this requires some more nuance.

    Just because you gave someone a tip that works means they should hide a body for you.

    Rather, when you’re capable of providing help to someone, do so graciously, without complaint.

    After helping them, don’t seek any sort of favour or acknowledgment, allow them to show thanks in any way they know and accept that as a token of appreciation.

    Some people are legitimately FEARFUL of appearing incompetent or “Needing help.”

    If they don’t say thank you immediately, it could be because of that.

    Who knows, they might know your birthday is coming up and bake you a cake or just never forget when you helped.

    If someone mentions you and everyone knows you as the super friendly, over-the-top hype-beast who’d give the shirt of his back to help someone, your reputation SOARS.

    Trust me, everyone knows when I drink too much, I don’t get angry.

    I literally cry because I’m surrounded by people who LOVE me.

    They know that after 5 shots I’m going to give a cringy motivational speech that ends with
    “All I want out of my life is for my boys to be successful and happy”

    before looking for someone to go home with and sending out at least ten too many

    “Heey, what’s goin’ on with your xxxDay so far?”

    Like Robert Green says in “48 Laws of Power”

    Law #5 “So much depends on reputation, guard it with your life.”

    Robert Green, 48 Laws of Power

    These four together will garner you HIGH-QUALITY FRIENDS.

    Want to put the proverbial “nail in the coffin”?
    Take the last bullet point to heart.

    Be A Good Person to make GREAT friends, for the rest of your life.

    Last, and certainly not least on the list and to be discussed.

    • Be a good person

    This one is ALSO the hardest in practice.

    Why? because being human is already inherently the most confusing and difficult thing.

    We all have a different lens shaped by different experiences and traumas/responses.

    “Good” is subjective.

    Personally, I base “goodness” subjectively, not just off the golden rule, but on how people operate given their situation.

    The golden rule, not so perfect for making friends and maintaining relationships in theory.

    Now, is someone a good person if they donate to charity?
    Surely that can help, but I refuse to call Pablo Escobar a good person if I find he donates $10,000 to families in his hometown that are starving.

    Is the average joe a good person or maybe a “better” person than someone just because they have a job that let’s provide for others?

    Well, no.

    Maybe he’s a jerk at work and berates his co-workers to get ahead.

    Also, I think the golden rule is pretty flawed to find “goodness.”

    • “I won’t beat my significant other for burning dinner because if they were strong enough to hurt me I’d be constantly terrified”
    • I wouldn’t assault somebody, because I would hate to think of someone overpowering me and assaulting me.
    • There’s no way I’d shoot a spy for espionage, what if I was forced to be a spy? I’d hate to be killed for following orders.

    People should be repulsed by BAD things because of the inherent harm they KNOW it causes others.

    Not because they’re scared of repercussions that COULD occur if they were met with their own actions.

    Act in accordance with your own nature and what you believe to provide genuine good to the world.

    If you’re an attractive, hardworking, caring, compassionate person you’ll already stick out.

    Be one who would also do whatever possible for the people in their life to help them be successful, and you’ll be loved by everyone lucky enough to be involved in your life.

    Accidentally offend someone? (let’s say his name is Tommy, for sake of example)

    Don’t worry! Your friend Marty will let Tommy know that you didn’t mean it to cause him harm, you probably meant it as a token of goodwill and love.

    When you clarify it, you’ll affirm everyone’s thoughts that they’re lucky you care so much.

    Why add in the last point about needing to be a good person?

    Because, if you’re a completely shady person with questionable intentions then there will ALWAYS be skepticism of an ulterior motive.

    Think of it as doing a deal with a mafia boss for DECADES vs making a deal with a childhood friend of decades.

    Make Friends That Matter: Last example.

    Now, you’ve sat down with them both, been to weddings, know their in’s and outs, scratched their backs, etc etc.

    However; a mafia boss is NOT a good guy.

    Imagine he NEEDS a scapegoat to save a made guy.

    Boom, you’re DONE.

    20 years in the can for you.

    Time to eat grilled cheese off the radiator.

    Now, imagine something goes south with your childhood friend’s business.

    An accident occurs and he loses half a year’s net income.

    Do you think he’s going to ask you for 6x the amount of inventory for NO reason and try to skip town with it?

    Likely not.

    He will probably tell you he needs a payment plan, or he’ll understand he needs to ASK for your help figuring out a way to resolve this.

    A year later, after he got a second job had you watch his daughter, drive both your kids and his to soccer practice, host sleepovers/dinners, great news comes.

    He’s back on his feet and he’ll NEVER forget what you did for him.

    Being a good person is the best long-term strategy for ALL parties involved for EVERY interaction.

    I want to hear from you.

    Do you have anything that you would add?

    Perhaps a tip or something that you think would benefit from clarification?

    Leave me a comment!

    Better yet, send me a DM on Instagram @Damonisvegan and let me know!

    If you have a great point I’ll GLADLY add it onto this post and give credit where it is due.

    Until next time, Toodles!

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